Running Bad-Assery.


On Friday, May 17th, I was feeling a little bit unmotivated. I didn’t feel like rocking out to Turbo Jam or Zumba in my living room again, and I was depressed about feeling depressed about it.

Then, I decided that maybe I’ll just put on some kick-ass running gear (feeling like I look good always makes me feel better about working out. I am very well aware that makes me shallow.) After putting on said kick-ass running gear, I decided maybe I’ll run down to Central Park and take the subway back up to my apartment.

My apartment is on 136th st. The top of central park stops at 110th. I figured, I’ll stay on the west side, try to jog/run the majority of the time, and when I get too tired I’ll run over to the subway and head back uptown.

As I started my trek downtown, I had to go through 125th st.’s busy Harlem crowd. I was doing fine, dodging people and not being too annoying (if you live in New York, you know what I mean. Some runners should be exiled off the island.) I almost make it through the busiest part when I hit an uneven portion of the sidewalk with my toe and take a tumble. That’s right, I fell (albeit, very gracefully) onto my right side and both palms around 124th. Everyone around did the awful and obligatory inhale-through-clenched-teeth-cause-that-looked-bad thing. I got up, laughed, held my hands out to show I was fine, and continued to run. I hoped I looked like I was running away with confidence and nonchalance. I was, in reality, just running away.

I ended up running to the park (26 blocks) and then continued all the way to the bottom of the park (Columbus Circle is on 59th st.) That’s 77 blocks and 4.3 miles, ladies and gentlemen. That’s way more than a 5K, and it was absolutely manageable.

My thighs were sore the next day but in a good way. They felt like slabs of concrete. Every time I walked, I was reminded of my total bad-assery the day before.

The experience of running long-distance was shockingly doable. Yes, I was tired. Yes, I stopped running to walk when I absolutely had to. Yes, I paused and got a bottle of water from a Central Park vendor who charged me double what a bottle of water usually costs in NY. Bastard.

Having music was the main motivator. My little dubstep track was the real kicker. Also, envisioning a zombie hoard chasing after me helped.

Towards the end, I wasn’t quite sure where I was until I was just about to Columbus Circle. I couldn’t believe I did it. Then I remembered people run a lot further than I just did on a daily basis. Like, there are grandmothers who pop out an 8K consistently. Whatevs, granny. That day was mine.

And as I was walking and cooling off, strolling around the statue near the entrance of the park, I saw the most fabulous middle-aged tranny I’ve ever seen. She was glorious in her brunette “The Jennifer” wig and doily blouse. She was my gift from the universe for a job well done.


  • Nike+ Running Application
  • ASCIS Nimbus 14 Running Shoes
  • Lululemon Pants, Bra, Top
  • Running Sunglasses from Outdoors, Inc.
  • MTA Subway Card
  • Running Earphones stolen from my boyfriend. (Sorry, darling!)
  • Fierce Tranny
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